I feel like the pain is spread out, like somehow, I am unable to feel too much of any emotion. I just upset someone and even if I expressed my guilt and apologies, I honestly didn’t feel much. Not like I normally would.
In the morning, when I wake up, I don’t feel rushed to go to work. I don’t feel like everything is urgent. I’m not worried about what others think, tho I can feel some sort of discomfort when I hear names of people I generally fear.
My head hurts right now. I’m not sure why. It might be because I’m overthinking my lack of overthinking. I’m worried about my body and my being because maybe I’m more conscious of my body. I exist, and I acknowledge my belonging in this world. That I am not disposable, that I am not invisible.
But is it better to be invisible or someone you’re not?
Is there something really wrong with me? Am I really troubled? Or is it just all in my head.
I feel like i’m a cup, trying to keep myself from spilling.